Miami Life Coaching Blog

Recently in The New York Times, Tara Parker-Pope discussed relationships.  “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”

Researchers are studying how people sustain their relationships by using them to accumulate knowledge and new experiences, a process they call “self-expansion.”

Take the following quiz to measure how your relationship makes you feel good about yourself.  Use the following scale, ranging from 1.  not very much to 7.  very much.  Add up your scores and check the scale below to see how your relationship ranks. 

1. How much does being with your partner result in your having new experiences?
2. When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of him or her? 
3. How much does your partner help your ability to accomplish new things?
4. How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?
5. How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?
6. How much do your partner’s strengths compensate for some of your own weaknesses?
7. How much do you feel you have a larger perspective on things because of  your partner?
8. How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?
9. How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
10. How much does your partner increase your knowledge?

                                                       SCORES

60 and above–Highly expansive

45 to 60              Moderately exciting

Below 45              Low connection

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Those of us who live in South Florida don’t have to worry about Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Many of us have friends and family living with less daylight during the fall and winter.  This reduction of daylight can cause depression in some people.  Be familiar with the symptoms of SAD—you may be able to help a friend in the North. 

Symptoms of SAD include:

• Depressed Mood
• Irritability
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of Energy
• Social Withdrawal
• Oversleeping
• Loss of interest in activities normally enjoyed
• Appetite changes
• Weight Gain
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information.

The usual treatment for SAD is medication or light therapy.  Your friend needs to speak to a health provider before beginning either, although light therapy can be purchased without a prescription.  A light box–what a wonderful Christmas present!

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Many of us go to the gym and work with a trainer often to lose weight, but did you know that a life coach can help you lose weight via phone by understanding your eating habits and exercise patterns. perhaps in conjuction with going to working out. 

By being accountable to a person with whom you have a positive relationship, you will find your habits and cravings changing.  If so inclined, you may benefit from keeping a journal.  In my practice, I will speak once a week and delve into what possibly made you “fall off the wagon.”  What are your incentives for losing weight?  We will see how your eating patterns are related to emotional trigers.  What role did food play in your family?

In person, we may use hypnosis.  The most important aspect is to have a coach who is on your team.

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We all know to floss daily, exercise, avoid saturated fats and eat our fruits and vegetables.

Tara Parker-Pope, one of my favorite wellness writers in The New York Times states that social relationships are just as important to health as other common risk factors like smoking or obesity.

Researchers from Brigham Young University reviewed 148 studies that tracked the social habits of more than 300,000 people.  They found that people who have strong ties to family, friends or co-workers have a 50 percent lower risk of dying over a given period than those with fewer social connections.

There are several theories as to why social connections may improve health.  People with strong family and social ties may be more active, more likely to seek medical care and have lower stress.

If social connections are an area you want to improve, coaching can help.  Call me at 305-461-9726.

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It’s not unusual for people who have never been to a therapist/coach’s office to wonder what the experience is like.

First, you will share with me your concerns and what brought you to consult with me.  I will get a history of the present events and a family history.  If time allows we will go into the basics of reframing negative thoughts.  If you are in physical pain, we may do a short a short session of hypnosis if appropriate.

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This is a very exciting time for young women going off to college.  One unfortunate possibility for girls in a new environment is date rape.  Here are a few tips that you can use to protect yourself:

• Do not let alcohol or other substances decrease or interfere with your ability to take care of yourself.
• Do not accept a beverage from someone you do not know and trust.  Never, ever leave your drink unattended.  Both “roofies” and GHB can render you in a coma-like state.  Amnesia can last up to 24 hours.
• Follow your instincts.  If a date or a place makes you nervous, leave.  Don’t offer explanations or excuses; leave.
• Check out a first date or blind date with friends.  Meet in and go to public places.  Don’t leave a social event with someone you have just met or don’t know well.
• Carry cash both for phone calls or a taxi.  Better yet, take your own car.

Remember these tips and make your college social life a positive one.  It might be a good idea to come in for one session to reinforce this and do some role playing.

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Emotional neglect occurs when a parent deliberately or through ignorance overlooks the signs that a child needs comfort or attention.  This includes withholding love, rejecting a child and ignoring a child’s emotional needs.

Children need positive physical touch–hugs, cuddles, and eye-to-eye contact.  Children need to be treated with respect and need to be listened to and played with.

A lack of these elements may in adulthood lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD .  There are possible cognitive consequences.  The neglected child may well isolate himself/herself as an adult.  The most prevalent consequence is problems with intimate relationships.  Adults neglected as children may cling to non-fulfilling relationships.

Dr. David Servan Schreiber, a psychiatrist, writes in his book Anti Cancer A New Way of  Life,  how he was neglected as a child.  Before he married he developed brain cancer, but recovered for years and was enormously happy in his marriage.  After the birth of his child, his marriage deteriorated.  Two weeks  after he left his marriage, his cancer returned.  Dr. Servan-Schreiber concludes that people who never feel fully welcome in their childhood may invest in a single aspect of their lives.  When this investment is threatened, the feelings of helplessness can weigh heavily on the psychological and biological balance.  He has since recovered and wrote this book.

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Not everyone is blessed to look forward to an idyllic Father’s Day–a barbecue, a pleasant family get together.

Some children and adults have no father–possibly through abandonment, death or an ugly divorce.  Children need to be helped to work through feelings of hurt, anger, or being different.  Mom would be the most logical person to help, but often mom is struggling with her own feelings towards the absent father.

Too many fathers?  Yes, a child may have a biological father and a step-father, step-fathers, or a foster father.  Again confusion can rein for the child who will need help sorting through his/her feelings in handling how to celebrate the day.

There are many adults who have been estranged from their fathers.  Another situation that some may want to address. 

There is always a friend, a teacher, a counselor, or a therapist to help  deal with a hurtful situation.

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1. Think of solutions, not problems.
2. Listen to relaxing, uplifting music.
3. Watch comedies that make you laugh.
4. Watch your thoughts.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, start thinking of pleasant things.
5. Look at what you have done and not at what you haven’t.
6. Each day do something good for yourself such as buying a book, going to a movie or strolling on the beach.
7. Each day do at least one act to make others happy.  It can be a kind word or giving a small present.
8. Always expect happiness.
9. Associate with happy people.  Happiness is contagious.
10. Exercise regularly.
11. Pare your to-do list down to the essentials.
12. Slow down to enjoy life more.
13. Find your passion.  Find something you love to do.
14. Eat healthfully.
15. Eliminate clutter and get organized.
16. Develop close friendships.
17. Eliminate debt.
18. Limit your information intake.  Go on a media fast.
19. Don’t compare yourself to others.

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Marriage counseling can help couples in all types of intimate relationships–heterosexual or homosexual, married or not.

Some couples seek marriage counseling to strengthen their bonds and gain a better understanding or each other. Marriage counseling can also help couples who plan to get married. This pre-marriage counseling can help couples iron out differences before marriage.

In other cases, couples seek marriage counseling to improve a troubled relationship. You can use marriage counseling to address many specific issues, including communication, sexual difficulties, conflicts about child rearing or blended families, substance abuse, financial problems,anger, infidelity, or divorce.

Once you find a therapist, ideally both partners will attend sessions.

It’s more challenging to patch up a relationship when only one partner is willing to go to therapy, but you can still benefit by learning about your reactions and behavior in the relationship.

Marriage counseling may be short or long term, depending on the situation. Getting started and making that first phone call can be tough, but in the long run it can help you cope with a troubled relationship.

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